My trivial thinking

When I was nineteen ... I lost the direction and light to go. It's almost like I was pedaling the bicycle desperately, which, though, had a broken chain. It might have been hopeless and also a little bit comical. Life might be a mass of the regret.

The Sense of an Ending is a novel written by Julian Barnes and was awarded the Man Booker Prize in 2011. Tony, Colin and Alex are good friends in their high school. A new classmate comes to the high school and they become good friends soon. He is Adrian who is smart and philosophical. In history class they challenge to answer their teacher, Old Joe Hunt, when the teacher asks what the history is. One of the themes of this novel is what the history is. When they finished school, they promised lifelong friendship, and went their separate way. Adrian won a scholarship to Cambridge. Tony read history at Bristol and goes out with mysterious girl Veronica. Tony introduces Veronica to his friends in London. But he is somehow hesitant about Veronica, and breaks up with her. Soon after that, Tony gets a letter from Adrian that he wants to get Tony's permission to go out with Veronica. Tony hurts them with a spiteful letter. Some time after that, Adrian commits suicide leaving a phi

The Hours is a serious drama film based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel of the same title by Michael Cunningham. The original novel was inspired by Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. This movie begins with the scene that Virginia Woolf goes to the river to drown herself in 1941. In 1923, Virginia Woolf (Nicole Kidman) is writing "Mrs Dalloway" while suffering from her mental illness. In 1951 Los Angels, a young housewife Mrs Laura Brown (Julianne Moore) is reading Woolf's novel "Mrs Dalloway" and has conflicted feeling in her everyday life as a mother and wife. In 2001 New York, Clarissa Vaughan (Meryl Streep) is planning a party for her friend Richard who is dying of AIDS. The stroy entwines three women's life sophisticatedly. Laura pretends a good wife and good mother, but she notices another herself in the back of her mind. She leaves her son at her friend's home and goes to a hotel to read "Mrs Dalloway", and tries to kill herself.

"It would be nice to go to some hot spring in autumn, wouldn't it?" I remembered that my younger daughter said so before. So we went to Kinosaki Onsen in Hyogo Prefecture with my family including married elder daughter last week. Because the crab season began from November 7th this year. The weather was not good, but we enjoyed sumptuous crab dinner at a comfortable ryokan, a Japanese style hotel. We also enjoyed the famous hot spring. Next day, after we went around some souvenir shops, we went to Nova, a coffee house near Kinosaki Onsen railway station. The coffee was good and the music was nice. I asked to the owner's wife what music was this. She showed us the CD jacket of the music. This was LANDSCAPES by Jan Lundgren Trio, a Swedish Jazz band. We stopped over at Amanohashidate on our way home. Amanohashidate is famous as one of the Three Views of Japan since old times. It means the bridge to the heaven. I've been there twice before

Mrs Dalloway is one of Virginia Woolf's masterpieces and her first novel published in 1925. Some people would say this is one of the best novels through twentieth century. This novel is a depiction of a day for the party of Clarissa Dalloway on a day in June, 1923, in London. Woolf depicted stream of consciousness of Clarissa and some characters with contiguous sentences such as flowing water. Therefore, it is very difficult for English learners to understand. I managed to read this with using the Japanese version together. This novel begins with "Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself." The visit of Peter Walsh who is her old friend and has returned from India leads them to their youth. Once Walsh loved her and there was another friend, Sally. Clarissa learned sex and society from Sally who was her old girlfriend with homosexual feeling. Clarissa eventually refused Walsh's love and married the reliable Richard. Walsh despaired and went to India.

We have a reunion with friends of mountain climbing at the end of October every year. I don't attend at this event every year, but I wanted to do this year because I've been depressed since the end of this summer. Once, about twenty years ago, more than 40 people gathered at Mawarime-daira campsite, the bottom of Mt. Kinpu, from all over the country. But this year the participants were less than 10 people. The event was held at Lodge Motive in Tateshina Highland Pilatus pension village. My mind was healed by the beautiful colored leaves and the chat with old friends. Lake Shirakaba

Lodge Motive is in the Pilatus Pension Village.

My American Journey is Colin Powell's autobiography from 1937 to 1994, when he resigned chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Therefore this book didn't mention his address to the UN that he told the UN Security Council that Iraq had developed mobile laboratories for making biological weapon, and he was humiliated. I think he should not have served for President George W Bush with Cheney and Rumsfeld. It was his greatest fault that he accepted the Secretary of State in G. W. Bush administration. I don't know much about the African-American history or the background. Each one of them has its own history. Ms. Condoleezza Rice is the descendant of slaves taken from Africa directly. President Obama is the son of a foreign student. Powell is the son of an immigrant from Jamaica. His parents chose to emigrate to the USA for the same reason that Italians, Irish, and Hungarians did, to seek better lives for themselves and their children. That is a far different emotional and

I had a curious dream last night. I caught a little bird with my cap when I found it on the desolate path. Holding it in my hand, I noticed that the bird was a black and white, tiny bird fitting comfortably in my hand. It was struggling and hurt my fingers. After relishing the feeling for a while, I released the bird in the air.

I've been depressing lately. I can't sleep well. I often wake up feeling blue in the dead of nights. I'm distracted and can't concentrate on reading, and also made mistakes on my job. I don't know what I should do at times like this. I took a sleeping pill last night. I might not be able to update this blog for a while.

Not only Osaka, throughout the country we've suffered a record heat of more than 37 degrees Celsius each and every day. We are in long o-bon holidays now, so yesterday morning I went jogging in a nearby park where I used to go. When I was younger, I was able to jog for about 20 kilometers pleasantly. But now I can run only 10 kilometers with drinking tap water or cooling my head with water. There were many joggers and walkers in the park, but as time went by and the temperature was raised there became fewer. Since too hot I wore a thin T-shirt yesterday. I've suffered solar photosensitive symptoms in some part of my body as I had feared. While jogging, I thought about Kinshu: Autumn Brocade again. In this novel, the reason why Aki and Yasuaki faced with their past in a serious manner and were able to get over it is because they were exactly sincere with each other and themselves. I think that the most important thing for the relationship with him or her whom you love

I'm very busy so I can't go jogging everday. I usually go jogging in the late afternoon on weekends. In the dog days of summer, when I go jogging, I have to wear a thick training shirts for winter because I have solar photosensitivity. I have alopecia and had treatment in hospital. Since then the medical remedy has caused the symptom. I quit the treatment more than 10 yeas ago. So the solar photosensitivity is not so heavy now. The other day I went jogging at around 1:30 because the weather forecast said it was going to rain in the evening. The temperature was more than 33 degrees Celsius, it was too hot. I had 500ml pet bottle water but it was like killing me by heat attack. I usually jog in slow pace or sometimes I walk, so I'm passed by other people who are walking fast. When I was younger, I liked to go jogging under the sun in the dog days of summer. I called it "jogging to death." It was on the go-around path in the park and I was able to drink t

Aki visits Zao to show the starlit sky to her handicapped son, and she unexpectedly runs into her ex-husband on the gondola. She is surprised at his weary and haggard looking appearance. She is upset and they exchange only a few word briefly. Aki managed to find his address and writes a letter to him two months later. Their correspondence begins. Aki was the sole daughter of the father who is the owner of a big construction company. Aki and Yasuaki were classmates in college, and after graduation they married. Yasuaki was regarded as the successor of her father. A year later, Yasuaki got involved with the double suicide that a woman attempted at an inn in Kyoto. The woman died and he survived. The woman is Yukako who was his classmate in junior high school. After the incident, he was regarded as an unqualified successor and they divorced with little conversation with each other. Aki got married again but not happy. Her son was born with physical and mental handicap and her new

A couple months ago, I happened to watch a movie on TV. It was a very interesting movie, and I found out that the movie was "Iris". "Iris" was Iris Murdoch's biographical film, especially after suffering from Alzheimer's disease, based on the memoir by John Bayley, her husband. Iris Murdoch (1919-1990) is a novelist and philosopher, from Ireland. This novel, Under the Net , is Iris Murdock's first novel. The protagonist Jake is a novelist, but he hardly has his original works and is translating French novels for a living. He and his friend Finn who is like Jake's shadow are thrown out of his girlfriend's house when she becomes to get married. He is poor and becomes homeless. Since then he wanders about over London in search of a place to live. He visits his old friends, but it doesn't work well. Once Jake published "The Silencer" that was the philosophical dialogue with Hugo before without telling Hugo before and so Jake guilt

Saturday is Ian McEwan's masterpiece published in 2005. On one Saturday, February, 2003, the protagonist Henry Perowne, an excellent neurosurgeon, wakes up uneasily at 4:00 in the morning and finds an airplane breathing fire, approaching Heathrow. This prologue is implying the eerie day. The huge anti-Iraq war demonstration is taking place on the day. Trying to avoid the crowds, Perowne has a minor accident with three blackguards. He notices that Baxter who is the leader of the blackguards contracted Huntington's disease and takes advantage of that in order to get through his danger. He hurt Baxter's pride. After playing squash with his colleague and visiting his demented mother, he goes shopping for dinner, and goes home. Daisy, his daughter, fights over Iraq war with her father. She is against the Iraq war and he is against the Saddam regime. His father-in-law comes to the family reunion. After that his son and his wife come home.  At that exact moment, Baxter

I met my elder daughter's boyfriend a year ago. At that time, they told me that they wanted to have a wedding overseas with only two. I told them it didn't matter. I didn't even ask him what he did nor what education background he had. It is my daughter who will get married with him, not me. I think that getting married is a personal matter, for neither the family nor the parents. Since then, we call him Ken-chan. Ken-chan might not know either St. Augustine or Spinoza. He might not read The Tale of the Heike nor Soseki Natsume. But he is a nice guy. I like him. We went to Kansai International Airport together by my car. Yumi, my younger daughter, came there in time. They two set out for London for their wedding and honeymoon tonight.

Katsura Imperial Villa was constructed by Prince Toshihito of the Hachijyo Family at first in 1615. He built Koshoin, after that his son Prince Toshitada took over and constructed the Chushoin, Shingoten, Gepparo, Shokintei, Shokatei and Shoiken. There is no evidence that Kobori Enshu (1579-1647) was directly involved in the creation of the garden, but Enshu probably gave some advice to the Hachijyo family. Katsura Imperial Villa that we can see today was completed in 1662. Cycad at Sotokoshikake Sotokosikake is a small hut that where visitors could wait until the host had finished preparing tea back then. The cycads were planted in here. It might be controversial, but this place is a microcosm where is not seen from any other places in this villa. Suhama / Sea and a lighthouse Passing Sotokoshikae, we walked near water along the pond and reached the Shokintei, the most important tea hut in this villa. The blue-and-white checkered pattern on the sliding doors ( husuma) a

It is difficult to adjust the schedule of all my family. Today is a weekday, but probably the last chance to have lunch together. We went to a Japanese restaurant for my daughters' birthdays and to celebrate my elder daughter's wedding. It might be the last lunch for my family. The hospitality of this restaurant was very good.

Katsura Imperial Villa is strictly preserved by the Imperial Household Agency, so we need the permission and have to wait for a long time. I applied at the beginning of February. I visited there with my wife yesterday. the Katsura River riverside road around the Entrance Katsura Imperial Villa is located at the south end of Kyoto City, alongside of the Katsura River. It was going to rain, but we didn't need our umbrellas when we arrived there. We entered the gate and showed our permit and drivers licenses. More than 30 visitors, including some foreigners, came at that time. A curator who was a middle-aged man guided and gave us an explanation with Kansai accent and comical talk. Main Gate from the inside At the Miyukimon, it suddenly began to rain hard. The curator comforted us that we were lucky because the moss looked most beautifully on the rainy day.

We don't have a habit of hugging in Japan. I've never hugged with my wife, as a habit. I can't remember even walking together with hugging her my hand around her waist. It's only because it makes walking difficult. A couple years ago, what I said to my wife made my elder daughter angry and she hadn't talked to me for about a week. One day, she came home drunkenly late at night and suddenly hugged me crying. She said to me, "Dad, I love you, I love you ... I'm sorry for rebelling against you ... Please wash dishes by yourself. I feel sorry for Mother ..." It was a little embarrassing for me. Since then I wash dishes after dinner. We had had a tough time since she was a teenager and she had been living alone for some years. I remember that we went see a circus together and talked about life back then. After she came home to live with us, I got a letter from her on my birthday some years ago. She apologized for her behavior in her early y

I went to Wakayama city for business this morning. After that, I bought a boxed lunch at a convenience store and visited Wakayama Castle again. It was a beautiful day today, cool in the shade but hot in the sun. The Castle Tower and Ohashi Roka Momijidani Garden in the site of the castle is beautiful. This is Ohashi Roka, or the Bridge Passage; you can enter the inside, free of charge, but it's a little uneasy to walk because of being slippery. inside the Ohashi Roka The Ohashi Roka leads you to Engyokaku (floating pavilion) in the pond. It must be more beautiful in the autumn surrounded by colored leaves. Engyokaku Koshoan The Koshoan is a tea ceremony hut, donated by Konosuke Matsusita, the founder of Panasonic. You can enjoy a cup of Japanese tea even if you don't know the manners.

The author of this book is Bernhard Schlink and the original version was written in German. I read the English version. One day in post-war Germany, Michael, a fifteen-year-old boy, gets sick and on his way home he feels bad and is helped by a beautiful woman named Hanna. She is thirty five years old and is living alone. When he recovers from his hepatitis, he visits Hanna's apartment to thank her. After that they become lovers. His reading aloud to Hanna strangely becomes their routine after their love affair. One day she suddenly disappears. A few years later, he sees Hanna by chance. He is now a law student and goes to observe the court for the Nazi's war crime. Hanna is one of the defendants. She was attached to the Waffen SS and worked as a guard of the concentration camps. In the trial, she is considered as the responsible guard of a bloody incident, and she reluctantly accepts it. Because she wants to hide her secret. The sentence for her is a life in prison. I

Toru Hashimoto, Osaka's Mayor and co-leader of the Japan Restoration Party, commented that the comfort women were necessary for the soldiers of Japanese military force in WWII. Hearing Hashimoto's comment, I'm ashamed of it as one of Japanese. He doesn't understand the the essence of the problem at all.

Most wild ducks in this pond have gone to the north. Only a few people were jogging and walking early in the morning. Tonbo-ike Park was very quiet. I was able to enjoy listening to singing birds. Hoojiro / Meadow Bunting On the way back to the parking lot, I saw a big beautiful bird and chased it. But while I pointed a camera at it, the bird was gone.

Four months have passed since I started this blog. At first, I wondered if I was able to write correct English. I managed to write all posts in English, but my English hasn't improved yet. The usages of articles and prepositions of English are particularly difficult for many Japanese, which, in many cases, come from Japanese language structure. This picture was taken by my younger daughter in Shanghai. Although this Japanese is a little funny, this might be better than my English. Writing English is frustrating for me. On the other hand, I feel, in a sense, an indefinable freedom as if I was liberated from Japanese language and culture that I grew up in for a long time when I write my blog in English.

I dare not to mention this book but a spectrum. In this book, Richard Dawkins presented 7 milestones from 100% theist to 100% atheist. It's known as ' Dawkins Scale '. 1. Strong theist. 100 per cent probability of God. In the words of C.G. Jung: "I do not believe, I know." 2. De facto theist. Very high probability but short of 100 per cent. "I don't know for certain, but I strongly believe in God and live my life on the assumption that he is there." 3. Leaning towards theism. Higher than 50 per cent but not very high. "I am very uncertain, but I am inclined to believe in God." 4. Completely impartial. Exactly 50 per cent. "God's existence and non-existence are exactly equiprobable." 5. Leaning towards atheism. Lower than 50 per cent but not very low. "I do not know whether God exists but I'm inclined to be skeptical." 6. De facto atheist. Very low probability, but short of zero. "

Edward. O. Wilson is a highly respected researcher of ants, biology and biodiversity. He is also known as an ecologist and the father of sociobiology. I haven't read ' Sociobiology ', but I read his some books, ' On Human Nature ', ' Biophilia ', ' Naturalist '. This book is DIFFICULT to read in a second language but worth reading even if it took long time to read. At the beginning of this book, knowing Einstein tried to unify physics of micro and macro, he says; I found it a wonderful feeling not just to taste the unification metaphysics but also to be released from the confinement of fundamentalist religion. ･･･ science is religion liberated and writ large. ･･･Preferring a search for objective reality over revelation is another way of satisfying religious hunger. 　(Chapter 1) This words reminds me of Spinoza. The greatest enterprise of the mind has always been and always will be the attempted linkage of the sciences and humanitie

My friend recommended this video yesterday. 300,000 Japanese people have killed themselves for past ten years. Japanese suicide rate is twice that of America, three times that of Thailand, nine times higher than Greece, twelve times higher than the Philippine's. As far as I know, my two classmates of elementary school and two of junior high school killed themselves when they were around twenty years old. I don't know the reasons. Another friend killed himself when he was 28 years old. The reason was a woman problem.

ALS, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. It is also known as "Lou Gehrig's Disease". This is an incurable disease for now. ALS has affected many famous people including Lou Gehrig, Stephen Hawking, Mao Zedong, and also Torao Tokuda, Hideo Shinozawa in Japan. There are more than 8,000 patients in Japan. By the end, if you are still alive, you are breathing through a tube in a hole in your throat, while your soul, perfectly awake, is imprisoned inside a limp husk, perhaps able to blink, or cluck a tongue, like something from a science fiction movie, the man frozen inside his own flesh. This takes no more than five years from the day you contract the disease. (page 10 in this book) One day, Mitch Albom happens to know it on a TV news show, that his mentor, Morrie Schwartz, contracted ALS and is dying. He decided to pay a visit soon. They meet for the first time in sixteen

Osaka Castle is one of the most famous castles in Japan. This was the site of Ishiyama-Hongan-ji Temple which was the toughest forces of resistance against Hideyoshi. After the overthrowing them, Toyotomi Hideyoshi ruled over the country and began to construct this castle in 1583, placed the headquarter of his administration here. Hideyoshi died in 1598. After the Battle of Sekigahara, Tokugawa Ieyasu took over the rule in 1603. In the Summer Campaign of the Siege of Osaka, Yodogimi, the second wife of Hideyoshi, and the successor Hideyori suicided in here. Toyotomi family perished in 1615. Tokugawa Shogunate was functioned this castle as the core of the control of the western Japan and Osaka until 1868. In 1935, the castle was rebuilt. Now the Osaka Castle Park is the largest park and the most popular tourist spot in the city. I visited here yesterday. Due to the cherry blossom viewing, a lot of people, not only Japanese but also foreigne